THE whole point of the best man’s speech is to embarrass the groom, but there’s a fine line between hilarious and humiliating.
Gentle ribbing about first crushes or mortifying childhood moments are all part of the fun, and often mean the best man’s speech is the one wedding guests most look forward to.
It can go disastrously wrong though.
Nerves can mean the speech giver is too sloshed to refer to his notes, or else a mistimed quip about the groom’s sexual escapades might go down like a lead balloon.
With all this in mind, The Sun has collected accounts of some of the most toe-curling best man speeches from wedding guests who have shared their misfortune with Bride and Groom Direct.
“At a wedding of a relatively young couple, the best man decided he wanted to play a game of ‘I Have Never’.
“It started harmlessly enough, but soon became clear that the best man knew exactly what he was doing, as he finished with, ‘I have never had a threesome with the bride’.
“As the remaining standing guests took a seat, only the groom and best man were left on their feet.
“I don’t know who was more horrified, the bride and groom or all of the guests!”
Save the strippers for the stag do
“I went to a wedding where the best man opened with the line, ‘I haven’t had time to write a speech’ and proceeded to welcome a Roly Poly stripper to the floor, who carried out a very inappropriate dance in front of some children and the bride.
“He ended his ‘speech’ by proclaiming he had ‘lost his wallet’ and the stripper was ‘yet to be paid’.
“Needless to say, the bride walked out.”
Know your limits
“My brother was a best man recently, and he had been worrying about his speech for months.
“He had rehearsed it over and over again, but when the big day actually arrived, he grabbed a drink (or five) for some Dutch courage.
“Unfortunately, he drank so much before the speeches that he passed out in a chair and started snoring — as you can imagine, he wasn’t fit to make the speech.
“The most awkward part is that he was later found asleep in the bar with a big wet patch on his trousers!”
Probably best not to reveal all about past convictions
“The speech came to a close and before sitting back down the best man shouted, ‘Would anyone like to buy any cocaine?’
“It was only the look on the groom’s face that gave away the whole story, as it was revealed that the groom had previously been charged with possession of cocaine and the bride had no idea!”
Do not touch the dress, ever
“Halfway through his speech, which consisted mainly of jokes about the groom, the best man shouted, ‘Let’s dance!’ and proceed to slide across the room on his knees, spilling a whole pint of beer down the bride’s beautiful white dress as he went.”
Words fail us
“The best man decided to deliver the whole speech in Klingon.
“The only clue it was over was when he raised his glass and toasted the happy couple, before returning to his seat.”
This one revealed a little too much
“As the best man stood up to deliver his speech, nerves clearly got the better of him and he declared he had nothing on under his kilt and flashed all the guests. I think some of the older women thought it was the best speech they had ever witnessed and a few even started chanting ‘encore!’”
Illness is never funny
“Instead of clinking a glass or using a microphone, he decided to get all eyes on him by pretending to faint.”
Written By The Sun
Source: Daily Telegraph Australia
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